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resonantblue) wrote2020-06-09 10:52 pm
[OOC] June SOTU
• There's nothing totally stressing her out—I mean, okay, yes, Imeeji is Imeeji, people keep getting hurt, she's no more than a puppet who has to "go along with the show," but that's all a constant. Knowing she has little to do about the situation is an endless source of frustration for her, which is why she distracts herself with using this opportunity to live her life. CHECKMATE, BASTARDS, IMEEJI'S THE HAPPIEST SHE'S EVER BEEN! Fucked up.
• Okay, smaller things: she does ponder wtf is going on with Emet, for example, and is still concerned with how to handle her "graduation" if she should ever get the opportunity because she loves both mom AND boyfriend, but ALSO she's also a member of C's organization and kinda never told him yet that she's thinking about not living in heaven when that was reeeeeaaally important to her back then?? BUT, Y'KNOW, SHE'S STILL OKAY! It's Fine.
• Oh, and Sho's return is very funny in that he's been bringing up conversation topics that she hasn't broached in quite some time. It's making her feel more aware and conscious of Imeeji in a way she hadn't been in a while, ever since FiN stopped dying during every game. Sometimes the return of a spite-fueled unitmate who had the effect of grounding a sense of Immense Distrust and Survival Strat into you when you're put through a trauma game does that, and you start to wonder about Certain Subjects again. It's Also Fine.
• I feel like she's been really out of touch with her CR because I've been so spotty and bad at picking up threads but she's probably not as out of touch as I've been making her out to be with my inactivity. Assume she's been... about??
• On a different note, after that emotionshare game a while back, Silence IS kinda concerned about Imeeji's mental well-being looks at B especially. Like, y'all okay? Just kidding, don't answer that, y'all ain't. One thing she wants to focus on is trying to find ways for Imeeji to have fun in spite of the crazy stress that comes from [looks at tiny font] "being in Imeeji." Maybe you guys need more parties idk. One time, lonnnnng ago, she borrowed some books on psychology from the library. She's probably going to do that again. good luck guys,
• And maybe along the way she'll find some more fun stuff she enjoys! She needs to do that. She's her own self and there's still so much to explore, ohoho~
•tl;dr: she's doing okay and wants other people to be doing okay.................
• My feelings on how I'm handling Silence match the icon to the right. It's that face. It's that face and all those dots. Where am I.
• While typing the IC portion it felt really loosey-goosey bc part of me doesn't really know where Silence is herself?? Like, "what were some of her most recent threads? Oh, right, the deaged threads. I haven't tagged those in a week. Okay, but the threads before that? OH NO I BARELY REMEMBER."
• BUT I WANNA! PLAY! AND I WANNA GET MY HANDS INTO MORE STUFF! I'm still very interested in Imeeji and playing Silence there! I just, need to get my shit in gear.
• That said, if you are expecting tags from me, I will get back to you starting tomorrow it's getting really late so not tonight. I was in a weird bucket lately where I kept myself from tagging older threads because it felt weird, I'm not sure why. I've put myself in a new bucket now, this bucket is called "it doesn't matter so long as I tag back" which is much better.
tl;dr: I'M GONNA KICK IMEEJI'S ASS JUST YOU WAIT WHILE I RECHARGE
This touches on both IC and OOC so it gets its own section. IT'S STUFF SILENCE WANTS TO DO, IT'S STUFF I WANNA DO, all off the top of my head!! It's not all going to happen in June, but I still wanna have a list (even if I've probably definitely forgotten some stuff.)
• Update thread tracker and point tracker wheezes
• Have her catch up with CR where are we what has everyone done lately
• Maintenance live where she checks in with people's mental health lolol (maybe it would be fun to rope a sensitIV into this for a self-care combo)
• Presentation live about FEELINGS BECAUSE YOU GUYS NEED IT and so does she
• Presentation live about JYANTA Imeeji, you also need this, look at this bear
• Experiment live to pick new voice lines for Jyanta-ssistant! Silence has kept her personal assistant mute for a while now, he needs voice lines! I'm sure I can whirl this into an experiment ("when presented with the opportunity to make a robot say anything do people go with the worst possible thing, let's find out")
• Wardrobe/makeover shopping trip?! Listen, Silence needs and wants a fresh look! She's her own person now, she should try some new things for herself! She's also a little shy and reluctant but otherwise very interested, so she would rope people into this. I can see her grabbing a few fashionable friends, but I also think it'd be really cute for FiN's ladies to go on a shopping trip together, we need more unit bonding!!1
• Have Silence bother Mars more because she told him to be her sparring partner, she wants to practice fighting because she remembers being REALLY good at it!! This gets a bullet point because I don't want to forget,
• Tell Wifi about her past listen she's never been avoiding it, it's just that when your life is cute dates and cute texts it never really comes up, but maybe this normal sports guy should know that he's dating a former servant who was also a kidnapper/murderer/spy/etc so,
• Unit post for upgrade ideas! I've been meaning to do this for AGES, bc Silence has been mulling over upgrading the dorm—but has no idea what to get because what do people do with their own living spaces??? She'd set up a unit meeting (that's how she be) for both pooling ideas and offering everyone opportunity for to discuss what they want for the dorm, BUT REGARDLESS it'd still be a unit post for funsies and I wanna do more of those, too
• actually, throwing Silence at unitmates more sounds cute I feel like they could use her bothering them
•tl;dr: silence is gonna get in everyone's business or shove jyanta at them, like usual
Feel free to ask questions about our CR (so long as you're okay with me either reaching for straws while drawing blanks), too!
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Also, may I steal this format if I also do a journal SOTU?
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Outside of games Silence will 100% respect each person individually (as much as she's willing to,) but as soon as she pops into a trauma game she does definitely hits survival mode. She looks at units for "who do we care for" and "who would help us" during the games where you gotta pick n' choose who you protect. That's certainly not unusual, however, she's still willing to sacrifice other units and do whatever it'd take to protect FiN first and foremost. Shortly after she arrived to Imeeji, her first two back-to-back trauma games were ultimately "FiN gets fucked over because nobody helped them enough." whiiiiiich is definitely what helped really set this sense of "if we can't count on anyone to have our back, we have to have our own" mindset in her head. SURVIVE SURVIVE SURVIVE SURVI
(that said she still feels guilty about this at times, and I think that guilt hit her the strongest during GM game—it was the ability to take breaks between turns, observe the damage they dealt or allowed friends on other units to endure, then go RIGHT BACK INTO IT later that day, which fucked her up way more than usual—she couldn't just hide in a war room and face the aftermath then go home and swallow her guilt.)
FOR INDIVIDUAL UNITS:
• AlcheME! has Goss and Eclipse—though she's never sure AlcheME! would ever act in FiN's favor. Still, it's part of the principle because she especially respects C and holds Eclipse as one of her closer friends, but if for some reason it was up to her to drop a protection from her own list, AlcheME! would be one of the first she'd consider.
• BARiTONES has boyfriend and other friends—but she and Wifi have an understanding that they will defend their own units before eachother's if it came down to it, so she'd never toss away FiN's life to protect BiT (or expect them to do the same either.)
• HSS has people important to Intensity and Duality who would probably stick up for them, and Silence does like and trust most of them anyway! HSS is fine.
• ZRAEL was once set in Silence's mind for a protection alliance, but that's sorta faded from her mind since then because she doesn't really feel necessary what with FiN not dying anymore. We're probably Okay. Still, Intensity's boyfriend is there, and while Maki's not unreliable, Silence still doesn't trust the rest of ZRAEL as a whole during a trauma game. She'd protect them based on Intensity's interest, but if it weren't for that she would refrain from protecting them.
• WILD CITY has Talon, who Silence is also friends with! Still, she doesn't expect them to protect FiN—not that this isn't reason enough to protect them. Her thoughts on protecting them are the same as AlcheME!
• This applies to more than one unit: self-sacrifice is one thing she struggles to accept and can't respect. She's mostly sorta over avante's thing from the tax game, if only because she understood that what they did WAS the only means of winning and saving everyone. Still, it frustrated her that they immediately took it upon themselves the way they did. Meanwhile, with pep she's talked to them a bit and gained a better understanding of how they play? I can't recall off the top of my head, but I think it's still awkward between her and some of them, oops.
I thiiiiink that's most of Silence's thoughts on other units. She's starting to feel a little conscious (again) of the fact that she casually engages with people she'd willingly throw under a bus. On the other hand, she has complicated feelings on hanging out with people who would also throw her under a bus because she understands why people would do it even though it'd... upset her. Lordy, that's a whole nest that needs untangled in another essay.
ONE LAST THING, Sho also reminded Silence that Duality and Angel definitely care a lot about other people, which has her nervous that maybe THEY'D bus FiN someday?? She doesn't really think they WOULD do it... and yet it's tempting her into discussing this with them, to clear her conscious. "HEY GUYS, WOULD YOU BUS FIN FOR YOUR FRIENDS??"
And those are Silence's thoughts! AND I TALKED SO MUCH, I'm so sorry